Energy Vampires: Life's Emotional Blood Suckers

Sept. 29, 2009 - PRLog -- Have you ever had a conversation with someone and then felt emotionally drained afterwards?  That person was most likely an energy vampire.  They don’t have fangs and repel from garlic like their mythic cousins.  Instead, they infect your space with their negativity, low self-esteem, boredom, and a desperate need to share their misery.  You can avoid being their victim, but first you must be able to identify them.  Here are 5 of the most common energy vampires and how to avoid them.

Dumpers

These are the folks that find a way to get you to do their work, or to fulfill their dreams.  Whether by guilt, calling in a favor, or some promise that your interest is aligned with them, their job is to get you to do their job.  You then choose to help out, and then they act as if you just entered an employer/employee relationship.  Dumpers also come in the form of a “Dreamer without a plan”.  They come up with some of the best ideas you will ever hear.  After they’ve captivated you with how great things will be once their idea takes off, they subtly rope you in.  They then assume that you’ll figure out the details while they keep you motivated with their vision of the finished product.

Dumpers steal your time and energy.  They get you to do something you didn’t plan on doing, or that you may not have even wanted to do in the first place.

Strategy:  Avoid the trap.  Their strategy normally begins with getting you roped into their dream or a vision of what they want to happen.  Listen with detachment, encourage them to pursue their goals and dreams, and don’t volunteer.  It’s one thing if you want to be a part of their great idea or to assist them with work they have to do.  It’s quite another to feel obligated to do so when there is no true obligation.  Just remember that it’s ok to dump the dumpers.

Naysayers

If you want to feel bad fast, find a naysayer.  They are quick to tell you what you can’t do.  They bring supporting evidence, experiences from your past, and they are good at minimizing your areas of strength.  If you were motivated when you began the conversation, they have a way of leaving you feeling tired, doubtful, and ready to do absolutely nothing.

Naysayers figure that since they don’t believe in you, then why should you.  Also, many naysayers weren’t able to pursue their life’s passions for what they consider practical reasons.  Therefore, they believe that you can’t either. They’ll even tell you that they love you and are giving you a dose of reality for your own good.

Strategy:  Run. Run fast and don’t look back.  When they start to get on their negative high horse, find something else to do stat.  Also, stop sharing your plans with people that want to make you feel bad about them.  They can’t tell you what you can’t do if they don’t know what you plan to do.

Winers

They specialize in a form of emotional dumping.  They’re not necessarily friends.  They are usually associates that just want to let it out, and you are their favorite recipient.  Sometimes, Winers cry as they are expressing the wows of their life.  Other times, they are angry, hurt, feel guilty, or just want to wine for a while. Any advice you give them results in them finding reasons why it won’t work from them.  Also, if you just listen, then they return time and time again to emotionally dump on you some more.

Criers are more concerned with letting out their emotions than they are with finding ways to make real change in their lives to control those emotions.  However, that’s a formula that leaves you frustrated and emotionally drained.  You want to be helpful, but you don’t want to be left feeling like a victim.

Strategy:  Set a timeframe, and then listen.  When the Winer comes, let them know that you want to listen, but that you only have 5 minutes.  By setting a timeframe upfront, you’ll get the condensed version of what they want to discuss.  Also, you have an out set up for when you feel you’ve done all you can for them.  In this way, you don’t feel like you are abandoning someone in need.  However, once you see that the conversation isn’t going to go any further or result in any meaningful change, you can use your out.  The crier received the temporary relief they were seeking, and you can leave with your energy in tact.

Gossipers

They provide seemingly interesting and dramatic information.  They can tell a story better than a long running soap opera.  And, they are capable of leaving you wondering where all of your time went.  In a world where we never seem to have enough time, Gossipers rob you blind of the time you do have.  Nothing really good comes from gossip except entertainment value.  However, when something important needs to be done, a Gossiper can ensure that you don’t get it done when you want to.  In the end, you are still left with the things that need to be done.

Gossipers want to seem important because they have the latest dirt.  However, gossip is rarely more important than the things that you need or want to get done.  When the important things aren’t getting done, it leaves you stressed, feeling overwhelmed and with an increasing list of to dos.

Strategy:  Quit listening and passing along gossip altogether. If you can’t quite cold turkey, at least select a time to listen to it, and never pass it along.  Once you can stop engaging in gossip, you’ll realize that you have far more time in your day than you ever remembered.

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James LeGrand is the Author of "Evolve!", an Amazon.com best seller in Religion and Spirituality. He is also the publisher of http://www.SpiritualIndividual.com, a free weekly newsletter that presents solutions to life’s issues through the lens of self-help, wisdom, philosophy and spirituality. In addition, James LeGrand is a Life Strategist, an Expert Author with SelfGrowth.com & EzineArticles.com, a former Radio Personality, a Fortune 500 Vice President, and a Sifu in Shaolin Kungfu, which has been known for centuries as a pathway to spiritual enlightenment.