10 Ways to Be a Better Husband - Mark Sanford Affair Rules of Engagement so to speak

June 26, 2009 - PRLog -- Another story on the front cover of almost every major news publication; someone in a position of authority and trust cheats on their wife. South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, with four young children, was caught having an affair on Father’s Day Weekend!? What was he thinking? What are men in general thinking when they cheat on their wives and in the same matter when women cheat on their husbands?

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Aside from the fact that you would eventually get caught, how can you follow your heart or your truth when you are constantly lying to yourself about what is real in life?

Given the Sanford Affair story, I thought this would be the perfect time to launch my 10 Ways to Be a Better Husband! Here it is:

  1. Number one, keep your pecker in your pocket and DON’T CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Romance won’t maintain itself over time without some investment of time and effort.
  2. Be committed to growth. Healthy relationships require both parties to grow and learn from each other. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable …most of the time you will realize that honesty really is the best medicine, and with the right partner it will bring you closer.
  3. Buy her flowers and take her out for a nice dinner. Remember the time you first me, your first date and allow yourself to re-experience the infatuation of your first encounter. Keep your romance alive by nurturing her and honoring her.
  4. Just shut up and listen…you don’t have to fix it. Listen carefully to her and buy her something or do something for her showing that you not only care but understand her deepest desires in life (and no that doesn’t mean YOUR desires…these are HER desires). Be genuinely interested in her life and the things that are important to her. Surprise her and buy her presents.
  5. When you are done listening, C.o.m.m.u.n.i.c.a.t.e. Everyone knows that most men stereotypically stink at listening, and we are even worse at communicating our true thoughts and feelings. If there is a problem, talk about it, but be clear and honest about what is really bothering you (without just dumping it on your wife). Get it off your chest in a method that is respectful to your relationship, especially before it begins to eat away at your relationship and your sense of peace and tranquility.
  6. Be man enough to take responsibility for your mistakes and have the courage and vulnerability to say ‘I’m Sorry.’ We try to engrain this into our kids, but they learn most by our example. We know she’s not perfect, but neither are you (or me), and it’s not your job to remind her of all of faults (because don’t worry, your faults probably bother her just as much). When we get married, we marry the whole person, the good and the bad, the beautiful and the perhaps not so much (and yes she does the same with us). Some things really are better left unsaid. We all know that we sometimes apologize for situations when we don’t believe we did anything wrong, but that really isn’t the point…for it is about connection…and number 7.
  7. You don’t have to be right! Of course we all want to be right, but there comes a time when we win the battle and lose the war. Connection is so much more important than positioning. I would give up being right every time if it meant that I could have a deeper connection with my wife or with my children, but it takes tremendous patience and understanding to be big enough to let go of our desire for righteousness.
  8. Take care of yourself. Ok yes this one sounds selfish, but it’s not. Take care of yourself not only so that you continue to be attractive to your wife (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) but so that you have the best chance of living long enough to experience all of the joys the world has to offer.
  9. Appreciate and be grateful for her by not taking her for granted. You can never say ‘I Love You’ too often, and don’t ever miss an opportunity to express your deepest love for those you love the most.
 10. Lastly, if you haven’t realized it yet, you can do it now. There are no perfect relationships! As much as you look to your neighbors, friends or the media for what relationships are “supposed” to look like, perfect relationships just don’t exist. Every relationship is amorphous and is the byproduct of the connection you share. Co-create it to be exactly what you both desire it be, regardless of how it may look from the outside. Be yourself and don’t be afraid to express your feelings and share the love, for you never know what tomorrow may bring.

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David Chernoff, Author of the Manual for Living book series. In addition, David is a two-time cancer survivor, author, visionary, philosopher, spiritualist, and contributor to the evolution and development of human kind.