Battle Bullying with the Words of Eleanor Roosevelt

Oct. 29, 2010 - PRLog -- Dr. Russ Buss provides advice on how to "Battle the Bully" by drawing on the famous words of Eleanor Roosevelt.

The Josephson Institute of Ethics has released the results of its annual survey of high school students: 43,321 teens ages 15-18 from 78 public and 22 private schools.  This year the survey had questions that asked about bullying.  The results are disturbing.

   * 50% of students said they had bullied, teased or taunted someone at least once in the last year

   * 47% were bullied teased or taunted in a way that upset me at least once in the last year

   * 28% (37% of boys and 19% of girls) say it's ok to hit or threaten a person who angers them

One result appeared to leave room for hope, perhaps some optimism:

   * In 2008, 75% of respondents disagreed with the statement: “I feel very safe when I am at school.”
   * In 2010, only 25% disagreed with the same statement.

I interpret this result to mean that there has been a 50% increase in the number of students who “feel safe” at school over the last two years.

Most Disturbing

The fact that I find most disturbing about these results is the age group 15-18 that is reporting them.  Teasing, taunting and bullying appear to be quite prevalent at age we would expect a decline.   By age 15 the developing brain is supposed to be capable of thinking abstractly about moral issues such as those embodied in the act of bullying.

Older adolescents should be able to envision the hurt another might feel or to conceive of the “golden rule” as a general guide to behavior.  Perhaps the scientific work on human development has it wrong and the age of such abstract moral reasoning doesn’t get fully loaded into the brain until after age twenty.

Bullying not new.  What’s the "Big Deal" now?

Bullying is certainly not new to society.  I do not believe there is anyone alive today who didn’t experience or who otherwise wasn’t exposed to bullying as a kid.  I believe this assertion to be true because if my dad were alive today, he would be would be ninety.  And, he told stories of being a ten year old fifth-grader who was bullied after school at least by one bully.

Three societal changes make today’s brand of bullying of more concern

1. The incidence of cyber-bulling over the internet is a new phenomenon over the last ten years. What makes cyber-bullying of greater concern?

   * When I got bullied at school, I could go home and feel safe.  On only one occasion did the bully follow me home.  Cyber bullying makes it possible for 24/7, worldwide bullying.
   * Whereas only a few people might have witnessed some embarrassing act of mine, cyber posting makes the information available to all for all time.
   * Even worse is the potential to put up false and reputation-ruining information that is an outright lie.  In cyber space false information spreads as rapidly as truth and is hard to retract and correct.
   * When I got bullied at or after school, I usually had some friend around to console me.  If I am sitting at home alone, no one is there by my side to hold me up as I contemplate the catastrophic damage to my life forever (i.e., and that’s how an adolescent thinks) of some cyber bullying.  I might even conclude that no one is on my side.

2. The incidence of teen suicides related to bullying and particularly cyber bullying is up.

3. Females have become significantly more physically aggressive in their bullying over the last 25 years.

“Isn’t being bullied just part of normal growing-up experiences?

If my dad were capable of answering that question, I believe he would say: “yes.”  He would say that as a skinny, scrawny kid on his way to becoming a 95 lb. weakling with low self esteem, he learned he had to stand up to that bully.  As he told the story, he did get into a physical fight with the bully and came away the winner, not to be bothered again.

This “normalcy” perspective leads me to wonder:  If teasing, taunting and bullying (T, T & B) are normal and expected parts of childhood experience, what developmental purpose might be served?  From this point of view, T, T & B offer the possibility of some kind of learning experience that prepares us for “LIFE.”

Bullying as Preparation for Real Life Perspective

The famous words of Eleanor Roosevelt are germane at this point in the discussion:

   * “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

The brand of optimism that I consistently write about is not about “Pie in the sky” or “Don’t Worry Be Happy.”  The Moment-to-Moment Optimism brand is about learning to take on challenges and difficulties.  So the question is: How do we teach our children to live by the words of Eleanor Roosevelt?

Learn to let go of an “inferiority complex” as a child and you might function more adaptively as an adult.  Assertiveness skills learned early in life prepares us to deal with the sophisticated and oft disguised bullying in the workplace which sometimes falls just shy of outright harassment.  

Learning to “stand-up” for ourselves, protect our interests and fend off the boss, coworker or supposed friend’s attempt to take advantage or even intimidate is an extremely important social skill that can be learned from withstanding the heat of that childhood crucible of life called “bullying.”

For the Bottom Line Tips on How to Battle Bullying go to:  http://www.drrussbuss.com

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