How to Escape from a Moment of Mental Misery

Nov. 4, 2010 - PRLog -- Dr. Russ Buss asks: Are you making yourself miserable with too many moments of mental misery every day?  Do you find yourself trapped in these moments much longer than you would like?  Can’t find any Houdini-like optimistic magic to free yourself from the pessimism cage?

What is a moment of mental misery?

   * It is a moment when we think about a situation in the past or present and make it a worst case scenario. We envision a catastrophe in our minds and make ourselves miserable.  This “catastrophic thinking” results in a negative emotional state associated with feelings of sadness, guilt, anger, irritability, self-recrimination hopelessness and helplessness. The miserable moment could last for hours or even days or trigger a series of many miserable moments.

Three Exemplary Stories of Moments of Mental Misery

Mental Misery Example # 1

The other day someone told me about how their car would not start.  When it wouldn’t start, she got out of her car and walked back inside to her office grumbling to herself how her day was ruined. She was going to miss an important appointment.  Something major must be wrong with the car, she thought.  It will cost a thousand dollars to fix.   She called the tow truck and began thinking she would just stew in her misery for the next 45 minutes until the truck arrived.

Mental Misery Example # 2

When an older brother told his younger brother that he couldn’t go on the annual hunting trip with him and their buddies this year, he felt guilty.  He not only thought he had let his younger brother down but that he had hurt his feelings. The two were seven years apart and the younger brother had always looked up to the older one for guidance. They were very close friends.  Even though he knew there was no way he could go because he had just taken a new job after six months of unemployment, he dwelled on his negative feelings for days.

Mental Misery Example # 3

Recently I attempted to log into my website.  I was not getting in. I wondered what was wrong.  Is something wrong with my computer, I asked myself?  Is the hard drive about to crash? Did I forget to pay my web hosting bill?  Oh, no!!  I could lose everything, a year and a half of work. I began to feel flushed and hot.  I took off my sweater and tried unsuccessfully three more times.

Guidelines to Escape from Moments of Mental Misery

  1. Recognize and accept that you are in a moment of mental misery and be aware of the worst case scenario picture you are painting.
  2. Also, be aware of and label the feelings you are having.
  3. Recognize you have a choice to stay miserable or not.  You have a choice to wallow in the misery or begin to find a way out of it.
  4. Each negative situation we encounter each day no matter how small or large presents an opportunity for us to rethink something in a new way, to practice our perseverance, to solve a problem, to practice a skill, or to try again.
  5. The optimistic skill of “worst case” scenario-ing is to pose the case and realize their in nothing to fear, that you can handle the worst case no matter how much you wouldn’t like to experience it.  You are confident of your coping ability.
  6. We are not responsible for the feelings of other adults.  We are responsible for our own feelings and actions.  For example, you can’t cheer someone up unless they want to be cheered up.  You can’t make someone unhappy unless they want to be unhappy.
  7. The foundation for positive action, attitude and belief is set when you realize you can handle it.
  8. Once you recognize that what you have in front of you is a problem to be solved and not a hopeless and helpless situation, you are ready to begin your Houdini-like escape.
  9. First, try again.
 10. If the problem persists, look around for the gift or opportunity that is presented.

Three Stories of Escape from the Moments of Mental Misery Above

  1. After calling the tow truck company and contemplating 45 more minutes of mental misery, the woman made the choice to try again.  She went back out to her car and inserted the key into the ignition.  Walla! The engine roared to life.
  2. The older brother finally came to the realization that the younger brother might actually learn to be less dependent on him if he went hunting without him, and that he could enjoy the company of the “buddies” without his older brother’s presence.
  3. After recognizing my negative thinking and making a choice to focus on the problem, I hypothesized that the web browser may not have loaded properly.  I closed the browser and started it anew.  This time I was able to log in.

For more optimism turn to the "Moment-to-Moment Optimism" blog:  http://www.drrussbuss.com

# # #

About Moment-to-Moment: Our mission is to teach "skilled optimism"- how let go of a negative in a moment and view life as one continuous learning curve with multiple "do-over" opportunities. Products include a daily blog, seminars, publications, speaking, radio show, & coaching.