Who will be at your Thanksgiving Day Dinner Table?

Nov. 18, 2010 - PRLog -- Dr. Russ Buss asks:

Who will be sitting at your Thanksgiving Dinner table next week?

Nine in 10 Americans say they will be sitting around a Thanksgiving Day dinner table sharing a meal with 12 or more family members.

Who is considered family?  In 2010, the definition of family has broadened considerably since 1977.  Besides married couples with or without children, the majority of Americans now embrace single parents, unmarried opposite sex couples with children and same-sex couples with children as part of the family mix. (Pew Foundation Research Study in association with Time Magazine).

Andrew Cherlin, professor of sociology and public policy at Johns Hopkins University, says that in addition to marriage, “there are several ways to have a successful family life, and more people accept them.”

Ok, we have covered the broad based demographics.  But, who will the players and characters be sitting next to and across from you as you pass the turkey, gravy, stuffing and yams around? Among the twelve people at the table:

   * five generations may be represented
   * one person is likely to be unemployed
   * at least one will be under 15 and another over 60
   * one will be involved in a non-traditional family structure
   * one will be boring
   * one will be annoying or outright obnoxious

Where is the optimism in that gathering you ask?

With the right optimistic perspective, all will be joyous and fun at Thanksgiving as long as everyone stays IN THE MOMENT.  Here are some suggestions for making it a great dinner table experience despite the differences and a few difficult personalities.

1.      The key words are “tolerance” and “acceptance.”

2.      Focus on the “joy” you are having in the moment and rave about Aunt Betty’s candied yams and Aunt Jane’s pumpkin pie.

3.      Do not ask the unemployed when they will get a job or why they don’t have one yet.

4.      Maintain a non-judgmental mindset.

5.      Focus on listening more than speaking.

6.      Remember the person who is dominating the conversation really wants to be heard.  If everyone is trying to ignore him, he will talk longer and louder.  Gently interrupt the diatribe with something like: “Papa Joe so what you are saying is (insert a summary or paraphrase).  Papa Joe will smile at his acceptance and be less likely to keep talking.

7.      Focus on the flavors that are exploding on your taste buds, chew slowly, take a sip of water between every few bites and you will be less likely to overeat and more likely to savor the moment.

8.      Take time to play a little with any children and allow yourself the luxury to become childlike for a few moments.

9.      Remember the boring relative is often lonely and is really enjoying this moment of togetherness.

10.  Give thanks for the blessing of your FAMILY and the life you are sharing together in this MOMENT.

11.  Do help with the “clean-up” afterward and you will be greatly appreciated.

For more on a recent study of families in the USA go to: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_declining_marriage

To find more optimism go to: http://www.drrussbuss.com

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At Moment-to-Mpoment: Our mission is to teach "skilled optimism"- how let go of a negative in a moment and view life as one continuous learning curve with multiple "do-over" opportunities. Products include a daily blog, seminars, publications, speaking, radio show, & coaching.