Parents Doing Too Much For Children Can Be A Bad Thing; GreenBeanBuddy Shares the Details

July 1, 2011 - PRLog -- Lori Gottlieb, an MFT intern, has written something about parenting that got the attention of many parents. Specifically, she wrote about over-parenting and how it can affect the future lives of children.

The now single mother wrote in her article that parents who do too much to ensure their kids' happiness could actually be dooming their adult life. On her article, she particularly talked about her young professional patients whose lives are almost perfect. Yet, those people shared how unhappy or lost they are when, in fact, there's nothing they feel they should complain about.

Contrary to what she expected, those patients had talked about how great their parents are and how good their childhoods had been. And based on what had been shared with her, Gottlieb somehow concluded that too much of a good thing done by parents can indeed result to a kid's unhappy adulthood.

Read more about Lori Gottlieb's Article About Over-Parenting

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“Any good parent will do anything to give the best for his or her child or children. But did you ever  think that giving the kids everything they need and want could also be a bad thing? Yes, indeed, it could be according to a psychologist.”

“If you are a parent and one that easily give in to your child's every whim, you are over-parenting. If you always make sure that everything is easy and dandy for your kid, you are also over-parenting. Those can basically hinder your son or daughter to fully grow in maturity. Specifically, it will prevent them to know how to deal rightfully with failure, struggle and discomfort.”

“So, if you are the kind of parent who will never allow your kid to cry or get sad, scratched or bruised, think it over. You could already be over-parenting. And as it has been said, it wouldn't be good for you and your kid.”

Read more about Over-Parenting

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“If there’s one thing I learned in graduate school, it’s that the poet Philip Larkin was right. (“They fuck you up, your mum and dad, / They may not mean to, but they do.”) At the time, I was a new mom with an infant son, and I’d decided to go back to school for a degree in clinical psychology. With baby on the brain and term papers to write, I couldn’t ignore the barrage of research showing how easy it is to screw up your kids. Of course, everyone knows that growing up with “Mommy Dearest” produces a very different child from one raised by, say, a loving PTA president who has milk and homemade cookies waiting after school. But in that space between Joan Crawford and June Cleaver, where most of us fall, it seemed like a lot could go wrong in the kid-raising department.”

“As a parent, I wanted to do things right. But what did “right” mean? One look in Barnes & Noble’s parenting section and I was dizzy: child-centered, collaborative, or RIE? Brazelton, Spock, or Sears?”

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“But after working with these patients over time, I came to believe that no florid denial or distortion was going on. They truly did seem to have caring and loving parents, parents who gave them the freedom to “find themselves” and the encouragement to do anything they wanted in life. Parents who had driven carpools, and helped with homework each night, and intervened when there was a bully at school or a birthday invitation not received, and had gotten them tutors when they struggled in math, and music lessons when they expressed an interest in guitar (but let them quit when they lost that interest), and talked through their feelings when they broke the rules, instead of punishing them (“logical consequences” always stood in for punishment). In short, these were parents who had always been “attuned,” as we therapists like to say, and had made sure to guide my patients through any and all trials and tribulations of childhood. As an overwhelmed parent myself, I’d sit in session and secretly wonder how these fabulous parents had done it all.”

“Until, one day, another question occurred to me: Was it possible these parents had done too much?”

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Read more of Over-Parenting and How It Can Affect Children at: http://www.greenbeanbuddy.com/215/over-parenting/
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Many think that good parenting is all about giving their kids everything. However, according to some studies and observation it can lead to unhappy adulthood.

An almost perfect childhood, one without struggle and full of comfort, in a way, can also cage in a person. And so, all parents, even in parenting must practice moderation.

Readers can go to http://www.GreenBeanBuddy.com for more about parenting.