Kenneth Stepp, "The Love Myth"

March 18, 2014 - PRLog -- By: Kenneth Stepp

I’m with you on this one. A bold title deserves a bold explanation. So, as usual, I will give it my best shot. But before I do, I will talk about my journey through the love arena. Like always, let’s unwrap that.

Mine began in early 2013 when my marriage finally took it’s last breath. By the time I left, some would say I killed it. If I did, it was a mercy killing. A relationship void of love, intimacy, and kindness, isn’t one that a person was created to endure. So, off I went. It has been a surprise a minute.

First, I tried online dating. This is the funniest, saddest, weirdest, and yes most volatile thing I have ever experienced. You can read the profiles and find those that seem to match you and your own idiosyncrasies. I found this was not the way because very few know what they really want, or are honest about what they really want. All however like to take “long walks on the beach”. Most, while holding hands. I do to. Not a very realistic way to find real love.

As I became more aware that most had no clue what they were looking for, much less what to do when they found it, I took yet another course of action. I speed dated so to speak. I literally went out with a ton of women. This became expensive and more than anything, confusing. I had no idea what age range I fit in, or if it mattered at all. Then, what values were most important to me. I have been stuck there for quite a while. I know what I don’t care for. High pressure, clingy, jealous, controlling, mean spirited, closed minded, zealots, and gossips. I do like smart, strong, independent girls with big hearts.  But that’s just me.

My make up is different at best. My profound ADD causes me to switch paths quickly and topics. This could drive a partner crazy by itself. I guess I need to admire patience in a partner as well. So what does one do with all this when searching for a partner, mate, my “forever”? I can’t answer that for anyone else. But for myself, today, this moment. It seems compromise is in order.

If you are above forty and dating, in hopes of finding your one and only. Perhaps redefining what love is to you, seeing it for what it is, not what you have always thought it to be. Old ways of thinking might be why you are single now. Love is it’s own entity. It is forever, powerful, but more than anything, forgiving. Think back. Would total forgiveness have helped the last long term relationship you were in? Forgetting is part of true forgiving. Has that hit home yet? It does with me.

I will conclude with this. To find someone that “fits” you is simply impossible without true love. Because if real love doesn’t exist for both of you. A very small thing will tip that boat every time. Hold your hand in front of you. Come on, just humor me and do it. Imagine where your hand is to be the relationship. Now lower your hand to belt level. That is where everything else has to be if the relationship is going to last. If one thing is more important, or even damages it a little bit. The relationship is doomed.

The myth of love is that it will make everything ok. It can if you allow only it to control the relationship. You see, where you held your hand a belt level is all your stuff, past, present, and future. Your stuff will always be toxic. Only love can succeed. Only you can fail. I have. It can be painful.

k@kstepp.com