How to Prevent Abandonment Issues From Sabotaging Your Love Life

HUNTINGTON, N.Y. - Oct. 14, 2022 - PRLog -- For many people, falling in love means becoming more vulnerable. It arouses our primal abandonment fear. It bubbles up from the deep, giving rise to feelings of insecurity that can cause some of us to become needy, clingy, or demanding, and others angry, frozen, or avoidant.

To believe that your abandonment issues are blocking you from succeeding at love is a painful dilemma share by millions of people. Much of what they go through doesn't show on the outside. They may feel hopeless about ever overcoming their patterns of self-sabotage, believe something is fundamentally wrong with them, that they are condemned to eternal aloneness, and yet lead normal lives in every other way. Outwardly they seem happy and well-adjusted, while inwardly struggling with intrusive anxiety that interferes in their relationships. They range from glamorous celebrities to everyday people.

No matter how overwhelming your insecurity can get at times, no matter how longstanding your self-defeating patterns, no matter how severe your abandonment traumas from the past, there is a way out of isolation and into greater love and healthy lasting relationships. Here are 12 things to know on your path to recovery:

1) It is a knee-jerk reaction to rebuke yourself for not being able to control the powerful emotions that disrupt your love-life. But self-anger is part of the problem; it creates a vicious cycle that intensifies your anxiety and lowers your self-esteem quotient.

2) To avoid the quicksand of self-anger, recognize you are not alone in this: We all have abandonment issues that interfere. It's how we handle them that makes a difference.

3) Directing your anger toward your primal emotions means you are blaming your problems on the most vulnerable part of you -- your "inner child." This exacerbates its inner wound.

4) To radically change your life, you must create a healthy new relationship with yourself. This begins by listening to the needs and feelings of your abandoned inner child. We all have this child residing within us that not our blame and criticism, but our most tender loving care.

5) Make a commitment to radically accept and unconditionally love your inner child as the emotional center of yourself. Its feelings may be messy and inconvenient sometimes, but your task is to embrace it and reassure it as you would any wounded child.

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