Is Separation Anxiety Related To Abandonment?

HUNTINGTON, N.Y. - Oct. 10, 2024 - PRLog -- In a word, yes.

In more words …

Separation anxiety is the basis for all emotional distress, whether it be in the form of anxiety, depression, insecurity-in-relationships, fear-of-loss. Abandonment feelings trigger separation anxiety and separation anxiety trigger abandonment feelings.

Let's say you walk into a restaurant with your friends and you suddenly see your husband sitting at a table with another woman. Your heart starts to pound as if you had just seen a bear! This "panic" is separation anxiety. Or let's say that you're alone because you just can't seem to find someone to love. You're beginning to give up hope. You feel this constant malaise, an energy-drain, sometimes jittery in the morning, on-edge during the day, maybe even downright unhappy. This "depression" is separation anxiety.

Or maybe there are layoffs at work. You're worried you're next. You've become very sensitive to any nuance of rejection or criticism from the higher ups. These "paranoid" feelings are separation anxiety.

The antidote: Use these experiences to practice becoming a "separate person." Once you find the internal switch (an adult switch) that regulates your separation anxiety, you can strengthen your emotional self-reliance. You gain personal power over feeling abandoned, alone, afraid, even under stressful circumstances.

To be human is to feel these things. But to be adult is to accept your humanness while at the same time accepting that you are in fact SEPARATE. The old adage about "coming into the world alone and going out alone" may sound obvious, but it attempts to break our denial and therefore is extremely meaningful. The adage reflects that many adults have made this discovery before us and have made a special point of sharing this wisdom – because they know that we are in denial – that we protest its simple reality. They know the acceptance of our separateness is the basis becoming a true adult.

Separation anxiety is a throwback to childhood when we knew we'd die unless someone nurtured our needs. This life-and-death-fear gets triggered by any perception of abandonment within our adult relationships. But once triggered, this fear challenges us to find the adult switch – the reality switch – the one that reminds us that we can stand on our own two feet. We learn to manage the fear by facing rather than fighting our separateness. Protesting our separateness keeps us in the panic and anxiety. The task is to face the "worst case scenario" (the realization of that we are each emotionally alone) and then to realize that we can take care of ourselves. This acceptance must be made, not begrudgingly, but wholeheartedly ...

https://www.abandonment.net/articles/separation-anxiety